i feel really sad and hurt today when my mom said that i am a disappointment... am i really a disappointment??? if i m a disappointment, i would not haves studied well and would not have been able to score the results i did... just because i have someone else to talk to now and someone else that i call, my mom is thinking bad things about me...my family are very caring over me and i love them so much... but at times, i just feel like as though i am not appreciated... no one is interested to hear what i wanna say... everyone is condemning me as much as they want... all they ever do is discourage me when i feel good about myself... i can never end a day with happy feelings.. whenever i am happy, my mom just calls and ruin everything... she said that i have changed since i left the house... she said that i m loosing my focus on whatever i am doing... my mom is thinking that just because i met another guy that i am able to talk, i m not coming to my family... what is there for me to share to them anyways???

all they ever do is interfere when i am talking and talk about some other topic just because they are not interested to listen... i need someone to tell my stories... i m talkative... no one but that one guy who has taken interest to know what i am doing... my mom says that i should talk to her.. but she don't realise that she was never interested in the first place... she thinks that i am too stupid to not realize that she was never interested to know about my matters in the first place... sometimes, it hurts when u put so much effort in everything you do and people around you just cant appreciate that but hurt u more and more... is it too much to ask for attention from my loved ones?.. my mom don't realize that i feel really lonely here and i need someone to talk to and entertain myself... she calls me often, but that is to check if i m still alive, and behaving well in her cousin's house... she never really heard what i have to say.. sometimes when i talk to her in the car, she pretends like she is listening, but i clearly know that she is not...

yes, its my fault to bring that guy to my uncle's house before bringing him to my parents... it is wrong that i went put with him without my parents knowing... but i have already put a stop to all this... my dad said that its ok if i wanna communicate with him... but today, once my phone bills are out, my mom is asking me who am i talking to... now i can even talk to him??? is it too much to ask??? i just wanna talk to him cause i feel like he seem interested to know what i did and what i learnt everyday... i like talking to him cause we joke around a lot and he just knows how to make me laugh... but my mom barely does that.. she calls me often but she never joke around with me like this... she jokes around with me when i am at home by condemning me as much as possible... i have come to a limit that i have given up trying to make my mom  and dad proud... i m tired of trying to satisfy to everything they aspect from me... i know that they are still supporting me financially, but i dun think so that is what parents are for...

if i am a disappointment, why didn't she just kill me??? if i m a disappointment, why didn't she just poison me to death???? if i am such a disappointment, why did she wanna talk about me to others in the first place??? i am sick of all this... that guy is the one guy who helped me put my heart back to pieces when i was depressed... that guy was the guy who stayed by my side when i felt like i m alone... is it wrong to be comfortable towards someone like that??? my mom is telling me to not make any decisions know... i am not... i let the future decide... i wanna enjoy my life know... i wanna enjoy the time i have now... i wanna live the life i have with everyone by my side right now... i dunno till when can i live like that but as long as it continues, i wanna do it... is it too much or is it too wrong to aspect my family to respect me and my stands???